Sunday, January 22, 2012

Sudden Death

My mother was killed in a car accident last week.  I can't believe it has been a week already.   My parents were returning home from a funeral, their car slipped on some ice, and my mother was killed (I hope) instantly.  My sister and I saw the car.  It has to have been instantly.

Although my mom was very intentional about preparing her three children for her death, this was completely unexpected.   If the call had been about my dad - the same dad who has survived open heart surgery and West Nile Virus - it would have made more sense.   This seems so completely random.  My mom and I were supposed to be in the same nursing home together.  She got room 406; I had room 202.  No need to be on the same floor.

So now I am spending a month with my dad while we try to figure out what comes next.    I know more than I would ever want to know about grieving...  so maybe I am a good partner for that.  My cooking skills are sketchy, however, and I am hoping I can remember how to drive a stick.  My dad taught me how to drive on a stick... maybe that counts for something.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Weight Watchers

Weight Watchers

I am aware that this borders on the cliché….  Join Weight Watchers over New Years; lose weight just in time for the 50th birthday.  Let’s just say it has been done before.

In fact, without the New Years thing or the 50th birthday incentive, it has been done by me before!  About two years before Molly died, when she had been admitted to a new school (with a scholarship!) and was settling in nicely after a rough start, I joined Weight Watchers and lost about 30 pounds.  I found the process of losing weight dovetailed nicely with the confidence I was feeling that Molly was thriving in a new environment.

The calm before the storm.

You are never really supposed to go off of Weight Watchers; it IS more of a lifestyle than a diet.   And I don’t want to blame Molly for anything – including the fact that as we went through her eventual downward slide and subsequent death I re-gained those 30 pounds.  But the fact is that my jeans don’t fit,  I hate looking at myself in pictures, I am on blood pressure medication that I could probably get rid of if I could eat differently and something needs to change.

It has been almost 3 years now since Molly died, and I am adamant in a new way that this weight come off.   I am wiser than I have ever been in my life (which is probably not saying much).  I feel stronger than I have ever felt.  I am more sure that the world is a good place than I have ever been.  And I want my body to reflect that confidence.

It is hard won.