Friday, March 23, 2012

The Big 5-0

tulipIt is a very fortunate person who lives to 50.   I don’t want to lose the miracle of it.   But philosophy has its limits…   So I did spend about two hours of the big day with my hairdresser getting highlights.   I NEVER do that.  I am a Hair Cuttery/Revlon Color girl all the way.   I won’t say it was fun…  but it was a perfect indulgence. 

I also had $50 in gift cards from some folks that I work with.   Can’t take those to Goodwill – which is my typical first stop for shopping.   What fun to shop for Lavender bath products.   Happy Birthday to me!

My sing-along birthday party is planned for this weekend, but the actual day was yesterday and I took the time off from work to just let the day sink in.  This is my first birthday without my mother and my fourth without my daughter.  And there were moments – just moments – when I felt the universe breaking through to me.

I walked out the door and the tulips had finally bloomed – bright red and yellow; I sensed Molly in the blooming.  A small inheritance check from my mom that had been anticipated but would simply not show up, arrived in my mailbox just in time to deposit. A cardinal – always a vivid memory of my grandmother – entertained me on my morning walk, and so did a family of deer who seemed to not understand that in the general scheme of things humans prey on deer.  A friend of Molly’s stopped me at Starbucks to chat.

It is as if the universe wanted to remove any doubt.  My mother, my grandmother and my daughter have not forgotten me; their love extends beyond death.   And it is my confidence in the eternal endurance of love and my conviction that living this long is a blessing - that compels me to celebrate – really celebrate – this weekend.