Looking forward to anything is risky business. It's an act of faith, really, to book a vacation in advance and then hope that the right pieces of life will fall into place: that the people will be well and the potential catastrophes of life will put themselves off long enough for the trip to actually take place.
But I am looking forward to our upcoming two weeks at the beach anyway. There won't be a hurricane. I won't break my leg. If it is within my power to will this trip into a happy reality, I am on it.
Since we are renting a house, we have to pack some of the things that a hotel would typically provide, and my packing lists are revealing. I want high end toilet paper - not our typical bargain brand. And I will bring candles (even though I seldom light them at home). I am picturing flowers on the table. New sheets have been purchased. I am going to indulge in some nice body scrubs and hair products. Baking and freezing will start in a week or so - banana bread; pumpkin bread; chocolate chip cookies; maybe some soup.
The irony of course is that I don't have to go on "vacation" to create the lifestyle that my lists are anticipating. I can enjoy flowers on the breakfast table fairly easily. Nice toilet paper is not prohibitively expensive. I suppose chocolate chip cookies should not become an every day treat, but they don't need to be in the "two weeks a year" category either. Perhaps more than simply having nice shampoo and the other simple upgrades on my list, I am actually looking forward to the time and emotional energy to deeply enjoy them. There is a difference between having and enjoying.
This trip is a big deal - it's paid for with inheritance money from my mother; we will surely be back to bunking with friends on extra couches next summer. And it is a "re-visit" to a place that holds memories of many wonderful, lazy afternoons when Molly was a child.
It seems like I have arrived at a place where I can let myself look forward to having a really good time. I can picture myself laughing, playing in the waves, eating great meals, sleeping in, sipping coffee on the porch. I imagine that Molly and Mom's presence will be felt - and they will be welcome. And THERE WILL NOT be any of the emergencies that seem to crop up with consistent irregularity in my life. The trip will be wonderful. I am choosing to let myself get excited. Just a few weeks to wait.
Since we are renting a house, we have to pack some of the things that a hotel would typically provide, and my packing lists are revealing. I want high end toilet paper - not our typical bargain brand. And I will bring candles (even though I seldom light them at home). I am picturing flowers on the table. New sheets have been purchased. I am going to indulge in some nice body scrubs and hair products. Baking and freezing will start in a week or so - banana bread; pumpkin bread; chocolate chip cookies; maybe some soup.
The irony of course is that I don't have to go on "vacation" to create the lifestyle that my lists are anticipating. I can enjoy flowers on the breakfast table fairly easily. Nice toilet paper is not prohibitively expensive. I suppose chocolate chip cookies should not become an every day treat, but they don't need to be in the "two weeks a year" category either. Perhaps more than simply having nice shampoo and the other simple upgrades on my list, I am actually looking forward to the time and emotional energy to deeply enjoy them. There is a difference between having and enjoying.
This trip is a big deal - it's paid for with inheritance money from my mother; we will surely be back to bunking with friends on extra couches next summer. And it is a "re-visit" to a place that holds memories of many wonderful, lazy afternoons when Molly was a child.
It seems like I have arrived at a place where I can let myself look forward to having a really good time. I can picture myself laughing, playing in the waves, eating great meals, sleeping in, sipping coffee on the porch. I imagine that Molly and Mom's presence will be felt - and they will be welcome. And THERE WILL NOT be any of the emergencies that seem to crop up with consistent irregularity in my life. The trip will be wonderful. I am choosing to let myself get excited. Just a few weeks to wait.
