Overwhelmed

I am studying Mayan culture this semester..  The culture is beautiful, although it is very different from what I know and how I think;  it is difficult to stretch one's brain to accomodate a new way of seeing the world.  I don't really understand the class readings, but I find myself congratulating the authors for their elegant prose.  Whatever they are saying.

I am subbing as much as I can.  The consulting gig is dying but it isn't dead yet so I have to attend to it everyday.  The consulting gig won't die before a major speaking gig in March that I am not in the least bit prepared for.

My blood pressure is too high.  I am trying to exercise everyday, and I am fairly on track.  Cooking is taking on a new priority and I am becoming very well aquainted with my crop pot.

I am attending to spirtual life with some intention. 

My art projects are strewn about with little accomplished.  Yarn?  Check.   Paints?  Check.  Charcoal, ink and kneaded eraser?   You betcha.  I have got it all.   I just haven't done much with it.

Lunch dates are set and happily anticipated.

Frances and I are travelling this weekend and hosting guests next weekend. 

And I wonder if maybe I am moving in too many directions.  The pace is fine, but perhaps I am too scattered.   It's as if I think there is a new skill or a new habit that is going to infuse my life with deep and abiding peace.   

In my brain I don't really think that peace is found in self made distractions.  But evidently my heart still needs some diversion. 

Wait a Minute.....

The phone rang again at 6:15 AM for substitute teaching - elementary art classes this time. I went, and it was fun, and I learned a few things that will be helpful both for teaching and for the art class that I am taking this semester.

Now don't get me wrong. I am delighted to be a substitute teacher. But, I figured that if I said that I was available to work Monday - Friday, I might get called for 2 or 3 days a week. I never imagined that I would be called every day that school is open!

If I am not careful here, I am going to waste the gift of time off by working. And what that amounts to, for me, is avoiding the hard work of bringing my body in tune with my soul, being too busy to really live life from my heart as opposed to my head, and deliberately steering clear of thinking about my daughter's death.

So I've put myself on a do not call list for subbing tomorrow. I want to control my life and not have an automated call system control me. I'll work on Friday - something tells me they will need more subs on Friday than on Thursday anyway.

In a spirit of full disclosure, I am interviewing with Macy's tomorrow. It's just for a holiday job. Just for six weeks.

Oh, and old my job got in contact with me today. They need me to do some editing. Which is great.

So, I am trying to find a new balance between the quiet that I yearn for and the activity that I know I need. And I haven't quite found it yet.

I'll keep you posted.

Substitute Teaching

Another crazy plan that I have for this period of "unemployment" is to substitute teach. The thought here, if there is one, is that maybe I would like to be a teacher and that this is a way to see if I like it. A teaching license is not required to sub, and it goes without saying that I have never taken even one education class.

So orientation was yeterday. Our local school district hires literally thousands of substitute teachers - which makes me wonder how many quit after their first assignment. The training was amazingly - amazingly - void of practical advice. The point WAS made that we should be walking around the classroom most of the time, with the thought that "you can't hit a moving target." I found that advice so encouraging.

It was also noted that radiating confidence was necessary as the students will move easily from assessing their substitue as a "sucker" to seeing him or her as a "target." Again. So very helpful.

I left with all of the respect in the world for teaching professionals and a bit terrified of what my first day might feel like.

Theoretically, I could start next week.

I'll keep you posted.

Looking for Temporary Jobs....

No worries. I am not already scurrying about trying to find full time employment. But. I think it might be fun to get a part-time holiday job in a department store.

After Molly's death, Christmas is surely a challenge, and I don't want to mope through the entire season. So... the thought is... I'll try something new and festive and different. And I'll make a few bucks while I am at it.

So... not having applied for jobs with a big company EVER, I presented myself (looking farily professional, I might add) at the mall to fill out applications. WRONG. Oh no, no, no, no. One can only apply online. Which I did. And I am exhaused.

After finding the on-line site, opening an account, filling out the personal information, answering all of the government-required questions, writing and uploading a cover letter, and taking a personality inventory, I had invested a good two hours. At least. For one six week job that pays just over minimum wage if I am lucky. And then I went on to another site to do it all over again for another store, but there site was down.

REALLY? Is this what we have come to? Makes me feel a bit bah humbug about the whole idea, but I would still really like the job. I'll keep you posted.