I am a mess.
We are not doing Christmas “up” this year in any big way, but there are still cookies to bake, and a tree to decorate. I have a few presents to wrap. And our schools are open this week, so there is substituting. To add some distraction to Christmas itself, we’ve invited neighbors over for Christmas Eve afternoon, so I have a small get-together to plan. And then on Christmas Day itself I am flying to my sister’s, so there is a bag to pack.
All of this is fun and do-able. Everybody figures out how to make it work.
But I also messed up my alarm clock, so I overslept today. And I shattered a glass while I was decorating. And my head hurts. And I am actually in a downright grumpy mood.
Which surprises me.
No doubt the work of grieving never ends, but it is easy to underestimate the toll it takes. Unpacking ornaments that celebrate Molly’s childhood, or visiting with the college students of neighbors who are home for break, or listening to some of the holiday songs that are on my iPod only because Molly liked them are on some level nurturing activities. Warm holiday moments. But they are also reminders of how much is gone from my life.
Forever.
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