To Those who Preside at Funerals

I am guessing, from having attended too many funerals lately (one of them today), that presiding at funerals is very, very difficult to do well.   At today's funeral, and I completely missed the point he was trying to make, the presider gave at least 5 minutes of remarks explaining that Santa Claus does not exist.  I am not kidding.

I have walked away from each recent funeral feeling like the presider completley missed the boat, offering prepared remarks that failed to capture either the essential qualities of the person who had died or the shared experience of the people assembled.

So I thought we might do a public service here and share helpful suggestions to those who preside at funerals.  If recent experience is any indicator, we can only help.   Here are some ideas to get us started.

• Admit that presiding at a funeral is a really tough gig.   It's okay to say that no matter how well planned the remarks or how practiced the solists, the service will never capture the life, the energy or the love mourners share for the person who died.
• Suggest that the funeral/gathering/memorial can be seen as a commisioning service of sorts.  Point out that those who survive are the ones to hold the life, the memory and the love of the person who died and that they hold that responsibility for the the rest of their lives.  Ask folks to think back on one way they want to live out their loved one's legacy.
• Remember the wide range of religious views present in many groups of mourners and make every attempt to respectfully welcome and make comfortable those of various faiths.
• Remind the mourners that, though they may not know each other, they all share a common bond in that they had a relationship with the person who died.   Note that the bonds that unite us one to another are infinite and eternal even when they are not obvious. 
• Comfort the immediate family but not too personally.  This is not the time to have an intimate conversation, for example, about how tough it will be to grow up without a dad (Yes, I have seen that too).

Those are my thoughts.  What are yours?