High School

All of a sudden, I am subbing a lot at what would have been Molly's high school if she had gone to public high school.  After most of elementary and all of middle school in public school, she never really considered going to the public high school - she was definitely looking for a different experience - but now she walks those halls with me every time I am there.

I think of her as I walk the crowded hall ways.  Her mental illness included hyper sensitivity: sounds that I could barely hear would drive her crazy; crowds were almost impossible for her to navigate; she did not like to be touched and she needed sunglasses outside.   This was not a kid who enjoyed the mall.  By early high school, her hyper sensitivity became a very limiting factor in her life.  The halls at our local public school would have been very difficult for her.

I think of Molly when the classes are going well and I wonder if, in fact, she could have thrived there.  For the healthy child, the school is a good place to be.   This always lingering question is most poignant for me becuase Molly attended a local boarding school (relatively common on the east coast).  This was her idea, believe me.  Boarding school was not even part of my vocabulary untill she brought it up.   But the more we looked into it as a family, the more it made sense for her.   While of course we didn't consider her ill at the time, we knew Molly needed structure; she needed to be challenged - rather than invited - to participate in extra curricular activities; and we hoped the experience would lead to increased confidence and social ease.   She had great grades and glowing recommendations.  She got a scholarship.  She went.   It worked for awhile. 

And I think of Molly at the local high school when the classes are misbehaving - not becuase I think she would have misbehaved - but because if she didn't test into the upper level courses, her peer group at the school would have been very challenging.

In a weird way, I also think of my own high school experience as I work there.  Seniors have their last day next week, and obviously I had a last day of high school, but I can't even begin to remember it.  I am sure that it would be shocking for these kids to know that as important as the last day of school is going to feel to them, most of them won't remember it ten years later.

So Molly and a younger me are  hovering over my subbing jobs lately.  And it's good company.