Last night, I found myself saying “This year, I am really going to make an effort to cultivate some Christmas Spirit.”
With all of the loss in my life, holiday spirit seems a bit indulgent. A good share of my heart wants to wallow in the idea that I can’t possibly celebrate when my daughter and my mother aren’t here. Their death has removed any innocence from my experience of Christmas and the days that lead up to it. For sure.
And death hangs anew over this season as a patriarch of my family is in hospice care and an aunt died just this week.
But still I yearn to celebrate. I connect deeply with ancient people who, without artificial light, deeply needed some celebration in this darkest part of the year. These winter holidays are borne of a deep-set human need to connect with light. Perhaps, those of us who mourn can understand uniquely the fundamental need for comfort that the holidays, at their best, offer.
In the past, I have passively waited for the Christmas Spirit to descend on me. I have enjoyed the decorations, sung a few carols, and been surprised when the holiday itself has left me a bit empty.
This year, I am going to go about it differently. I don’t want sit back and see if this holiday will find me. I want to claim this one. So, for the next 25 days I am going to intentionally cultivate Christmas spirit. Each day, from now until Christmas, I am going to do something everyday that brings me more deeply into the holidays. Sort of a living Advent calendar.
I’ll report on my progress here, and I hope you’ll check back – and perhaps add your journey to mine.
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