I am working at redefining myself.
When my daughter died by suicide in 2009, I couldn't figure out if I was still a mom. She was our only child and the work of the largest part of my soul for 17 years. Initially, her death took that role from me. Today, with some distance from her physical death, I can see that, while "Mom" is no longer something that I do it continues to be, in a very deep way, who I am.
Molly's death has become a mandate for me. A mandate to stretch and take risks. A mandate to learn and to grow and be the best that I can possibly be. A mandate to live. I am beginning to live as boldly as I possibly can because there is no other way to honor Molly's life. She lit up my life for 17 years... and continues to.
In the midst of tragedy, it is important to note that I get how lucky I am. I can afford to take a year off because of a windfall and because my partner of 26 years works for a great company and I can lean on her for health insurance and a financial plan B if our finances go south. We are doing this - like we have done everything for so long - together.
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