Aftermath

I found myself snowed in to New York as part of what New Yorkers are calling the blizzard of 2010. For the most part, it was glorious. The snow, the permission to do very little, the chance to linger a bit longer than one had planned.

Ah yes, that. The lingering. I have definitely overstayed my welcome with family - not by choice mind you, but by circumstance. And the emotional glimpses are piling on.

The first emotional glimpse has been in to the lives of lonely people. I am lonely up here. I don't know anybody; I don't know the roads; I don't even know the kitchen. But I do know that if my brother-in-law has to look at me for even one more minute, he will explode, I will explode back, and the children will remember this holiday for all the wrong reasons.

In a bid for family peace, I decided that the best thing for all concerned today would be for me to take a VERY LONG walk downtown.

There were plenty of us out and about: dining alone at the diner, sipping soup by ourselves at the bistro, walking over the piles of snow without anyone to make sure that we made it. Looking around, I guessed that I was one of the younger ones. I was also aware of how suddenly I had found myself in this unmoored place - I am supposed to be enjoying my daughter's young adult life during these holidays, not sitting alone in a diner.

After the diner I headed to the yarn shop to buy some crochet stuff for tonight's train ride home (I realize that it is a bit optimistic to think that there might be a train to take me home...).

The yarn shop is a tiny place, owned by a woman who has been there 30 years. And the place was HOPPING. Folks were there to talk about crochet - sort of. In reality, they were there to talk about visiting their parents' graves and attemping to remember the Polish that was all their parents ever spoke at home; or to get advice about how to help a struggling niece. Or to have a cookie. There were plenty of cookies. And I felt at home among these folks who were eager to share my excitement about starting a project.

And so, another emotional glimpse. Middle aged and older women, with stories to tell and time to share with each other: in many ways, that is who I am. For an hour or so, I didn't feel so lonely.

After that, and realizing that it was just toooooo soon to show up again at the family home, I decided to get my hair cut. Why not? And we are not talking a little trim here. We are talking a BIG MAJOR change for the New Year. I have already alerted my partner to changes ahead. I think she will be okay with it.

Poignantly, there is a bottle of REALLY GOOD champagne chilling in the refrigerator. It will, I am sure, celebrate that all of the guests are GONE.

I am hoping they will be able to pop that cork tonight. After too many days of guests, they deserve it.