- Some of it, dear friends, is my age and the hormonal changes we all go through. TMI, I know.
- Some of it is the holidays, and the fact that holidays hold a mirror up for those of us who have lost a child, encouraging us to look back on holidays gone by through a haze of songs and over done TV commercials.
- Some of it is that the weather sucks (yes, I said sucks) and it gets dark early.
Today sort of chrystallized for me in Target. I was trying to buy a curling iron and a few other things, and Molly's 7th grade English teacher walked by. I hope he did not know who I was, which is probably far fetched since I knew him instantly. He had been a "Molly fan" but I haven't seen him since Molly died and the last thing that I wanted to do, in the hair care aisle, was discuss her death. I just wasn't up for it.
I hid behind my bangs; I pulled my collar up; I chanted with the hope that I would become invisible. Anything to not have to interact with Mr. Starkin.
Who am I that I can be reduced to hiding in the hair care aisle? Is this me? I get up every day and I function; I have re-learned how to have fun and I am grateful for that. But I will never be comfortable with Molly's death. Ever.
Mr. Starkin, I am sorry. You were hugely important to Molly and I value all that you did for her. And that's why I couldn't face you. If you don't know that Molly is dead, I don't want to burden you, and if you do know, I can't share your pain right now. I can barely carry my own.
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