Must See TV

I am going to put this plug in today so that you can set your DVR: Marie Osmond on Oprah. Thursday, November 11th. Must see TV. Marie and Oprah will be discussing teen suicide and the death of Marie's son, Michael.

Marie lost her son almost a year to the day that Molly died. We had just made it through the one year anniversary of Molly's death - a huge day of pain made liveable with the help of family and good friends - and ba-boom, Michael's death was all over the news. I know it is irrational, but as a long-time Osmond fan, I felt a bit of Marie's loss. I had been there.

In a display of further irrationality, I have been imagining Marie's interview with Oprah, and what I might say to the questions that are sure to come up. Do you feel like the suicide was your fault? Could you have done anything to prevent it?

I was not a perfect parent, but we are so lucky to have some of Molly's writings and comments from her friends. After Molly's death, several of her friends wrote to let us know how much Molly loved us and how freely she expressed that love. Her diary gives us more confirmation. Molly really does love us, and I am so grateful to be sure of that because she kept so many secrets.... she kept so much to herself... that sometimes I wonder if our lives together held any authenticity. I am grounded in the fact that the love that we feel for each other is very, very real. No, I don't feel like her suicide was my fault.

The notion of what might have been done to prevent Molly's suicide is more difficult for me. She had been seeing a psychiatrist for several years; the last person she spoke with before her death was her therapist. She had help. She was surrounded with adults who loved her and could help her - and she knew it. But she decided to lie to everybody about what she was feeling and experiencing. Her final text - to her therapist - apologized for so many lies.

Molly's death was her choice. And I believe it was inevitable. She had been thinking about suicide for years - at least since she was 13 years old. Her final attempt was not her first. Perhaps if we had more agressively played with her medications, we may have postponed her death. Try a little bit more of this and a little bit less of that. But I don't really believe that we could have prevented her suicide.

The hardest thing that I imagine Marie dealing with on Oprah is coming to terms with her son's death, and then being an advocate for not choosing suicide. I don't believe that suicide is always an irrational choice. There is a piece of me that "gets" why Molly made the choice that she did and if I am angry with her at all, it is not about the suicide, but rather because she did not feel comfortable - for whatever reason - to tell her truth to ANYBODY.

And therein lies the challenge. If it was me on Oprah, I would be advocating for a world where there is respect for a wide range of human difference. I would be asking people to refrain from bullying or ridiculing. And I would be asking that people take the time to really listen to each other. I don't believe that bullying or poor listening cause suicide, but I do believe that they contribute to a world where people are afraid to speak their own truth. And not living one's own truth does contribute to suicide if only becuase our mental heath care protocols all require honest participation from the patient.

So, I am setting my DVR for Thursday... let's see what Marie has to say.