Over

I went to the Out of Darkness Walk for suicide prevention last night. Cried through the whole thing. There were maybe 20 people there, and it didn't feel akward to particpate, but I also stuck to the back of the pack and let the tears flow. I wonder how much loss we were all carrying.

Anyone who encoutered me yesterday knew I was agitated about SOMETHING; even anticipating the walk set me off balance. I was curt at my Doctor's appointment - where I was told by my doctor to expect a blood pressure med presecription in two weeks if I can't bring my pressure down on my own. We'll see.

And I was HYPER in class last night. Chatty. Too many comments. I am going to keep my big fat mouth shut next week and say NOTHING.

All because - I am sure - I took time to revisit Molly's death, and let myself feel the loss.

On balance, I think the suicide prevention walk was a good thing to do: the tears were healing. But it is not okay to run over everything and everyone in my path like some 10,000 pound energizer bunny filled with weeping misery. Not okay at all. I need to work on that.

Subbing has slowed down, which is just fine with me. After the holidays and Frances' birthday parties (successes all!), I am exhausted and really need a break. Add to that the fact that we are expecting snow here this week and I am going to call January OVER.

Very, very over.