A Down Day

Today feels like a "down day."

Which I find surprising.  Isn't every day here supposed to feel perfect?  A new home - big and full of possibilities; blue skies that go on forever; emerging friendships; quiet; peace.

What could POSSIBLY be downer?  

To start with, moving is disruptive.  Boxes everywhere.  I can't find anything.  The kitchen is almost - but not quite - done.  In fact, most of the house is almost but not quite set up.  But I have hit a point where I can't do too much more with it until someone else does.   So, I wait.  For counter tops to be installed.  For a furniture delivery.  For Frances to put her tools away.  

And then my daily structure is shot to hell.  What daily structure?  Without a teaching gig or other daily responsibilities, my day is kind of my own.  Kind of.  I have to work around the waiting and letting people in to do things, but for the first time in MONTHS I do have time that I can call my own.  I haven't gotten to the point that the time seems freeing - I am more at the point that the scaffolding that I had been using to give my life direction and meaning is glaringly absent.  Which, far from being freeing, is disorienting.

Too, even though I have been living around Phoenix since February, everything is new AGAIN.  We had developed routines, patterns, favorite haunts over our six months in Scottsdale.   Now, with a 45 minute drive between our new home and Scottsdale,  we are having to redevelop everything. Where is the grocery store?  Can we locate the ATM?  What about the post office?  Prior to this move, we had been living in the same place for 15 years, so two homes in six months is pushing my comfort zone.  Big time.

Like most teachers, I have LONGED for this unstructured time and new beginning, sure that I would know how to fill it.  In fact, I am finding that while I know that I want to increase the creativity in my life - I am not entirely sure how that is done.  For sure, it means less restaurant meals.  It means finishing a quilt project once I find my sewing machine.  Maybe it means making the bed.  That's it.  I'll start with making the bed.  I think I can manage that.